Spoiled American?

I started this post shortly after my arrival in London but never found the time to finish it. In reviewing it, I find that much of the frustration I experienced in my first few months here still holds true.

15 October 2006
As an American consumer I admit that I am a bit spoiled. I want what I want, the way I want it, at the price I want it, and I want it delivered when I want it. That doesn't seem too unreasonable to me. Of course, that's not the way the Brits see it, hence the beginning of many, many problems for me.

My first foray into major purchasing here was to look for a computer monitor. Although I had brought my computer over with me, I really wanted a flat panel, wide screen monitor and saw the move as my opportunity to justify the purchase. Once here, I got the brilliant idea that buying a television that could double as my monitor would be the way forward, effectively killing two birds with one stone.

I found this wonderful little store about two blocks from my hotel, PC World. They had exactly what I was looking for and at the right price. After providing the salesman with the specs on my computer and receiving his assurances that it would work for me and that I didn’t need to buy any other accessories, I purchased it along with various other items. Of course, they wanted to charge me a ridiculous amount of money to deliver the haul TWO BLOCKS to my hotel so I asked the salesman to call me a cab. He did and a man showed up (I think it was the salesman’s brother) in what was obviously his personal auto (unlicensed cabs abound here!) and quoted me a price of £6 to drive me the two blocks to my hotel. As it was less expensive than having it delivered, I agreed.

About two weeks later my house mate and I moved into our rented home. After work one night I began setting up the computer only to find that I couldn't figure out how to connect the monitor. There was just no place on the monitor to plug in the cord from the computer! Being a woman and understanding that not all difficulties can be solved with a few curses and some duct tape, I checked the manual which helpfully gave me the specs on the television but no instructions! There was also no telephone number to call in the manual nor could I even find the name of the manufacturer (which was also not on the box or the television/monitor). I would have contacted the store where I purchased it but it was after 6pm which is when all stores here close (except on Thursdays when many stay open until 7pm). So, I had to wait until the next day.

The store wasn't far from my house so I popped in after work to discuss my dilemma with my salesman, a polite Middle-Eastern man. I brought the manual with me to show him that I wasn’t really inept, that there really were no instructions! He appeared puzzled that I couldn't figure out how to connect the monitor as it was relatively simple. Then the light bulb practically illuminated above his head. 'I was but a woman and should have had a man do it for me' was beaming from his eyes! He politely turned the display monitor upside down, reached way-the-hell inside the affixed stand (while balancing the stupid screen on his lap), twisted the stand a bit and pointed to the port, saying, “You see, madam, it plugs in right here.” Abashed, I returned home to complete my hook-up.

After successfully hooking everything up, I sat down in front of my new, wide screen, flat panel, 21” monitor to play around with my computer. My house mate, B, was sitting in the room, as well, avidly awaiting the glorious picture we knew would be appearing before our eyes…any…second…now. Here it comes! Oh, what a stunning and vibrant colour…wait, what’s this?…blue screen (never a good sign) with a message ‘Drivers not installed’. “WTF!” I jumped out of my chair screaming. B’s eyes were bulging and her face was turning fuchsia from the struggle not to howl with laughter. I immediately picked up the telephone to call Mr-PC World-polite-salesman-who-was-a-condescending-bastard-
who-lied-to-me-about-this-f**king-television only to discover that it was thirty minutes past closing time. That was when B discovered that when I get angry my eyes turn into black pools of ink and my face turns to granite. She quickly stopped laughing and got the hell away from me!

She accompanied me to PC World the next day after work. She brought along her folding chair, soft drink, and bag of popcorn to watch the show (not really, but that is what it felt like). Mr-PC World-polite-salesman-who-was-a-condescending-bastard-etc saw me coming, saw the expression on my face, and started looking for a place to hide. No such luck, lying bastard! I cornered him in the keyboards-and-other-accessories section of the store.

“I tried to use my monitor last night but I received a message that it need to have monitors installed.”

“But, of course, madam, one must have drivers for any monitor.”

“But you told me that I had everything I needed and now I find out that the drivers don’t come with the monitor.”

“Madam, it is a simple matter to go on the internet and download the drivers.”

“And how do you suggest that I do that SINCE I DON’T HAVE A MONITOR TO CONNECT TO MY PC SO THAT I CAN GO ON THE INTERNET?”

“Oh, do you not have access to a computer at your work?”

“Yes.”

“Then go to work, download the drivers, go home, and load them onto your computer!”

“And how do you suggest I load the drivers on my computer SINCE I DON’T HAVE A WORKING MONITOR AND NEED A MONITOR TO SEE WHAT I’M DOING!”

“Oh. Maybe the manufacturer can mail you the drivers.”

“Excuse me, I have to leave the store now before I kill you, causing an international incident and get myself deported!”

B and I really did leave the store at that point. I decided, for the sake of my health and sanity, that I now owned a pretty nice television and would contact Dell to purchase a monitor (that’s another, even more frustrating story).

That took place a little over two years ago. Things are better now. Not because service in the UK has improved but because I decided that the slight benefit I enjoyed from arguing with services was far outweighed by the damage to my peace of mind. It is now water-off-a-duck's-back and if you believe that I’ve got some waterfront property for sale!

Generations of Learning

My daughter, C, and her cousin, S, have been trying to lure me into blogging for quite some time now. I always manage to find a reason not to: I'm too stressed, I'm too tired, I spend all day on the computer, I just want to veg, and a million other excuses. C asked me to guest post on her blog while she is on vacation. I was bored when I received the email and jotted off the following:

My mother (C's grandmother) was born in 1928 Alabama. Her family moved to New Orleans in 1929 and she lived there until her retirement in 1992. She passed away in 2005. Just think of the significant events the occurred during her lifetime! The Great Depression, World War II, the Korean Conflict, the Kennedy years, Civil Rights, the Vietnam Conflict, Roe v Wade, the moon landing, Women's Rights, Watergate, the Reagan years, the First Gulf War, the birth of the age of computers and the internet, the discovery of DNA and the birth of AIDS, the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and the invasion of Iraq, as well as the birth of a new century, to name just a few.

Mother was married for thirty years and raised seven children. She divorced at the age of 52 and at 70 buried her eldest son, just before his 48th birthday. She saw all seven of her children married (a few of them more than once!) and had the joy of knowing 10 of her 11 grandchildren. She held her first great-grandchild before she died and spent her last few years living near her beloved North Carolina mountains.

She was an amazing woman, in many ways, but she was also one of the most unfulfilled women I have ever met. She spent her childhood trying to be the son her father wanted (not the one he got!) and married a man she was totally incompatible with because, in 1947, that's what women did; they got married and had babies. She was forced to work out of the home when her youngest was only 2 years old because our family couldn't survive on my father's earnings, a significant amount of which supported his drinking habit. She suffered from chronic depression throughout my childhood and adolescence, which severely impacted her ability to emotionally engage with her children.

Towards the end of her life, the last decade or so, Mother entered her 'Happy Time'. She began to enjoy her children and grandchildren, take up hobbies that interested her, enjoy life, and, for the first time in my life, each day brought more smiles to her face than frowns. I wouldn't say that she was fulfilled but she was at least finding some happiness, no matter how short-lived it was.

I was born in 1956 in New Orleans. There have also been significant changes in the world in my lifetime, not the least of which is that women have many more choices than ever before. However, growing up in the home that I did, in the time that I did, and in the culture that I did, my only goal in early life was to marry, have children, and provide them with the most loving, secure family life I possibly could. So, at age 21 I married a man who expressed the same desires and we started down the Yellow Brick Road to Emerald City. I made a couple of attempts at college but didn't stick with it because all I really wanted was to be a wife and mother. We were blessed with a wonderful daughter (when I was 24) and, although no other children came along, we were happy. Or thought we were, which is almost as good. Or convinced ourselves we were, which is not so good. Then, at the age of 37 I found myself divorced; no college degree, a limited ability to support myself, and a teenage daughter who was even more screwed up from the divorce than I was!

The next 7 years were a blur! Trying to cope with my feelings about the divorce, cope with C's problems, work, going to school to get a degree, and trying to figure out, in the midst of all of the insanity, what exactly I wanted out of life! Graduating, starting my social work career, fighting with C, letting C venture out into the world to start her own journey, caring for and losing both of my parents as well as my much loved oldest brother accounted for the next 5 years. I woke up one morning and realised that for the first time in my life I was not responsible for, or to, another living soul! I was 48 years old and the only thing that I had ever done solely for me was to get my degree! Within 6 months I sold off most of my belongings, found a job in London, borrowed some money, and moved! I've been here since February 2006 and don't plan to return to the States to live.

It took my mother almost 60 years before she started to find herself; it took me 48 years. It gratifies me immensely that C has found the courage to start down this path at a much younger age than either her mother or grandmother did. I love her and am very proud of her.